What is a situationship?
Toronto's dating pool is flooded with casual relationships and blurry lines that fall into the dreaded category of situationship.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Narcity Media.
A situationship is a "romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established," according to Oxford Languages.
Dating in 2023 can pretty much be summed up by the Barbie movie's astute observation of the "long-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriend."
Although don't be fooled, this title isn't just for women.
Anyone can be a low-commitment casual partner. No matter your gender or physical distance from someone – basically, it's all the convenience of a romantic relationship with none of the commitment.
As a single woman in her 20s living in Toronto, I've seen countless situationships play out in my friend's relationships and, hell, even my own.
Now don't get me wrong, a situationship can be great if you're looking for a low-stakes romantic fling or a casual hookup, but things can get messy fast.
Situationships typically last anywhere from weeks to months and even years! So unlike a friends-with-benefits situation or one-night stand, feelings usually get involved, and in my experience, at least one party in the relationship is yearning for more.
Now if you're looking for some tough love on how to escape and avoid this dating purgatory, you've come to the right place.
Here are my five tips on how to avoid a situationship based on my own blood, sweat, and tears shed on the battlefield we call love.
If you're confused – they're just not that into you
If someone likes you, you're not going to be confused.
Someone that's crazy about you is going to text you back in a reasonable window of time and put effort into planning dates.
If someone is taking days to respond to you, leaving you on delivered for weeks, or exclusively hitting you up for late-night hangouts, they don't like you that much.
I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but the simplest answer is usually the truth.
Now before you dive into a pint of ice cream or a bottle of wine, check your ego at the door and ask yourself why you want to be with someone who's not wild about you.
To get over this nasty condition of wanting someone who clearly isn't interested, go watch the movie He's Just Not That Into You and rinse and repeat as needed.
Go on actual dates!
If you're dating someone, you shouldn't only see them horizontally.
If you've spent more time in a person's bed than outside on the street with them, chances are your relationship isn't going anywhere serious.
Now don't get me wrong, you can definitely have sex with someone before being exclusive and still end up in a serious relationship.
Whether you sleep with someone on the first date, before the first date or weeks in, I don't think that matters, but you should be spending quality time with the person you're seeing in addition to quality time in the bedroom.
So if the person you're seeing isn't trying to actively plan to see you for dinner or a stroll in the park on a Sunday afternoon, you may want to cut them loose.
If someone says they want something casual believe them!
When you first start seeing someone save yourself the time and heartbreak and ask them what they're looking for.
If someone tells you they're looking for something casual or that they just want to "see where things go" or "get to know you," and you're not looking for something casual ... RUN.
They just told you their expectations, and if that doesn't align with what you want, what are you still doing?
Don't go into something thinking you can change a person's mind. If someone tells you that they only have the capacity or time for something casual, do yourself a favour and believe them.
Now if you run into a sticky situation where someone tells you they are looking for a relationship, but their actions don't reflect that – believe what a person shows you and not what they say.
Words are great (my love language is words of affirmation, so I love them), but they only mean something when a person can back it up.
Cut them loose!
If you're months in with someone and they won't commit, or you're constantly stressed out by their actions, stop seeing them!
I think the worst situationships I've seen play out are the ones we all see coming a mile away.
If someone consistently disappoints you or doesn't meet your standards cut them loose.
I don't care how much you like them or how wild the chemistry is. If someone doesn't treat you with kindness and respect, you're better off without them.
Dating isn't supposed to be hard in the beginning. Falling in love is the sweet spot of a relationship, but don't let that puppy love cloud your better judgment.
If someone doesn't treat you right at the start of a relationship, what makes you think that's going to change a year in?
So as Ariana Grande says, "Thank U, Next."
Be a strategic dater & look for love in the right places
If you're swiping on Tinder for love, you may be waiting a while.
Different dating apps are good for different prospects. Tinder tends to be mostly for sex, and apps like Hinge or Bumble are a bit more relationship oriented.
So if you're looking for something more serious, I'd be intentional about what apps you're using and make what you're looking for clear in your profile.
That being said, if you're online dating, be picky from the start.
If someone's profile has no thoughtful answers and lists that they are looking for something casual – maybe don't swipe on them.
Look intentionally for profiles that meet your criteria and needs so your relationship has a better chance right out of the gate.
Better yet, I recommend trying to date IRL because you'll be able to tell a lot more about a person at first glance than on a screen.
All that being said, there are exceptions to every rule.
Some people do fall in love off Tinder, and some commitment-phobes will change their minds six months in and want a relationship.
But in case you're not one of the lucky exceptions, my one piece of advice to avoid situationships is to put yourself first.
if you're unhappy with a situation, go find another one.
This article's cover image was used for illustrative purposes only.
I've Been Single In Toronto For Over A Year & Here's How I Avoid The Dreaded 'Situationship'
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